tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64055867364933893592024-02-08T03:39:52.393-08:00What am I DOING?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14828692207363789633noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6405586736493389359.post-3395837979496571072012-07-06T13:44:00.001-07:002012-07-06T16:52:55.913-07:00Nigerian Polar Bears<h3>
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My diary, typed up. And edited a bit. Because it made no sense. Not that it makes much sense now either. But at least it no longer contains sentences such as 'crayfish, what's that about ey? jeeeez I want to punch those fish of the cray variety in the face. those fishes be cray. heh heh heh'</b></h3>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I'm in Nigeria.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I'm sorry, what?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I'm in Nigeria.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>What?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I'm in Nigeria.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Oh.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yep, I'm here. Have been for the past three days. Just chilling, like a villian.. With a gold tooth filling.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Only, nothing like a villain. Also without any gold tooth fillings, not even any regular fillings. As it goes, my teeth are in remarkably good condition. Come to think about it, there hasn't been much chilling either. It's pretty darn hot here.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So.. Ignore everything I just <strike>said</strike> wrote. Everything I just wrote.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the time it takes to travel from London to Abuja, I apparently lost the ability to think coherently. For the first couple of </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">days,
my mind was only capable of thinking the same four words; What. Am.
I. Doing.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Suddenly
it seems ridiculous to think that I ever needed more than these four
words in order to express myself. They seem to cover every situation
I've found myself in so far..</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Such
as when I landed in Abuja, I looked around at the crowd of people I
was with and realised I'd met the majority of them less than 24 hours
ago. Now we were all standing, sweating in the Nigerian sun. As we
would be doing for the next 3 months... <b>WHAT AM I DOING?!</b></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or
when it hit me that I'd dedicated myself to this programme without
actually knowing all that much about it. What an idiot, ey?</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During
fundraising, people would ask me what exactly I'd be doing in
Nigeria. My response was always something mumbled along the lines of:</span></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i style="background-color: #c27ba0;">'</i><i style="background-color: white;">Yeah</i></span></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i style="background-color: white;"> we'll
be doing stuff about HIV,</i></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i style="background-color: white;"> and,
other things,</i></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i style="background-color: white;"> um,</i></span></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i style="background-color: white;"> it's
.. SUSTAINABLE. 3 months.</i></span></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i style="background-color: white;"> GOVERNMENT
backed.</i></span></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i style="background-color: white;"> Yeah'</i></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Sounds
a bit stupid right? It's not that I hadn't researched in to the
programme enough, or that I was just a bit of a dimwitted twat. It
was that we hadn't really received much more information than that.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">So
why did I ask people to donate? Why did I travel to another continent
on such minimal information?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Because
I trusted the reputation of VSO. I trusted their promises of creating
a 'sustainable impact'. I'd trusted that the Government wouldn't
allow us to waste 3 months, partially at their expense.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">As
we arrived at a hotel in Abuja to meet our Nigerian work
counterparts, I couldn't help but curiously wonder... <b>What </b><i><b>am
</b></i><b>I doing?</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Then
over the past few days, we've been overwhelmed with information about
what's expected of us. It had all become clear why we'd known so
little, <i>we'd be the ones deciding </i>how
the next three months would look. We'd conduct research and evaluate
what the community would most benefit from. I'd craved all this
information, now I wish I could go back to being blissfully ignorant.
I'm a bit of a lemming at heart, I know how to follow instructions.
I'm good at being told what to do. But, taking initiative and making
decisions that will directly affect a third world community? You're
talking to the girl who finds deciding what flavour yoghurt to buy a
stressful situation. <b>'I am
doing... WHAT?!'</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Before
I came, I did have all these doubts and fears. But they were pushed
to the back of my mind by excitement. Now I'm here, I'm petrified.
Which probably explains the whole 'WHAT AM I DOING' situation that is
currently raging on in my mind. This programme seems to heavily rely
on people being... Good at stuff. I'm distinctly... Not good at
stuff. Every new piece of information I receive pushes my comfort
zone further and further out of reach.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Difficult
to find food made without pounded crayfish in?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>~one
leg out of comfort zone~</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Being an introvert in an extremely
extroverted country?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">~<i>clinging on desperately to the
edges of my comfort zone~</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Conducting research you say?
Possibly not making any difference whatsoever due to you being a bit
useless?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">~<i>Oh hey, where'd my comfort
zone go? COME BACK~</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">My biggest fear is that I'll spend
the next three months feeling like I'm being assaulted by every new
scrap of information..</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Then again, maybe this whole
experience will be like watching the series 'Lost'. When you first
start watching, you can't help but be all</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>'DUDE
THAT'S A POLAR BEAR, WHAT'S THAT DOING ON A TROPICAL ISLAND?!'</b></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Because y'know, dude. It's <i>polar
bears </i>on a <i>tropical island.</i></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Then you progress through a few
series, and suddenly you get in to all the weird stuff. Somewhere
along the line you stop classifying it as 'weird stuff', because so
much weird stuff has happened that you've adjusted your boundaries on
what's classified as 'weird stuff'. Before you know it, you've become
all </span>
</div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>'Time
travel? Meh, what a casual, standard occurrence that is'</b></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Does this make any semblance of
sense? Let me try again.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">I <i>knew </i>everything would be
different in Nigeria. I <i>expected </i>the culture shock. Because I
expected the culture shock, for some reason I thought this would
<i>prevent </i>the culture shock (yes, I can see the flaw in my
logic... Now). But I couldn't prevent it, there's no way you can
prepare yourself for being thrown in to an entirely new environment.
And do you know why?</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<h3>
<span style="background-color: #f1c232; font-family: helvetica, sans-serif;">Because there is no way you can
prepare yourself for polars bears on a tropical frigging island.</span></h3>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14828692207363789633noreply@blogger.com2